Do You Wish to Know Me

© 1993 by Edessa Ramos
Performed at the PRINTERS' ROW BOOK FAIR
City of Chicago, Summer 1993

Do you wish to know me
Do you wish to know

what answers live behind the eyes
that gaze at the world with such painful knowing,
but then at times with indifference,
gnawing, disquieting;
that gaze upon you
one moment with such love,

but then again
the next with what contempt
that you are withered,
caught naked, your soul
shorn of all disguise?

Do you wish to know me
Do you wish to know

where go the songs that used to dance
beneath the smile,
the smile now eluding you,
leaving you deprived and aching
for the music you thought you owned?

or where flies the mind that only yesterday
you thought had emptied itself to you,
but now journeys to straits unknown
with you left behind,
with not even a gesture,
not a warning,
not a hint of farewell?

If you wish to know me,

If you do, then come,

you must look beyond the lines
that define my body, you must
reach far beyond my skin and brush
not only my flesh;
hear not only my words but listen
even more intently to my silence;

you may hold my hand but not wade
into the oceans of my torment,
for there are journeys that I
and I alone must brave.

You cannot know me
by asking questions
for I give no explanations.
I have decided to become, to thrive
without conditions,
without limits.
Accept me know or lose forever
the chance to know me.

If you wish to know me
you will not stand on the path
of my liberation,
you will not demand a map
of the destiny I trek.
You may choose to cheer me on
from the sidelines, or walk
quietly next to me, with me,
with my permission,
and perhaps share my vision, respecting
my perspective as I respect yours,
and celebrating where we differ.

If you wish to know me
you will believe
how there are times you will not understand,
how often you would get hurt,
and that would not be my fault.

If you wish to know me,
then accept, too,
there always stands a chance
that you never will.